Couples therapy can be a powerful tool for healing and strengthening relationships, yet many people hesitate to seek this kind of support. This may come from questions such as “What type of couples therapy is most effective?” and “What are the disadvantages of couples therapy?“. But, understanding the reasons behind this resistance can help you and your partner take the first steps toward getting the help you need. In this blog, we’ll explore some of the common fears and concerns that prevent people from pursuing multicultural couple therapy and how addressing these can pave the way for a healthier, more connected relationship.

Why Do I Have Constant Anxiety About My Relationship?

Relationship anxiety is a common experience, and it often stems from deep-seated fears and insecurities. You might find yourself constantly worrying about your partner’s feelings, the future of your relationship, or whether you’re doing enough to make it work. This anxiety can be exhausting and can put a strain on both you and your partner. One of the reasons people resist couples therapy is the fear of confronting these painful emotions. 

It can be overwhelming to face the root causes of your anxiety, especially if it means acknowledging past hurts, insecurities, or unresolved conflicts. However, avoiding these issues only allows them to fester, potentially leading to more significant problems down the line. Couples therapy offers a safe and supportive space to explore these anxieties and understand where they come from. By working through these feelings together, you and your partner can build a stronger foundation of trust and security, reducing the anxiety that might be holding you back.

Is It Normal to Feel Worse After Couples Therapy?

It’s not uncommon for couples to feel worse before they feel better during therapy. They may even wonder questions like “Does Emotionally focused therapy work for couples?“. This is because therapy often involves bringing up difficult emotions and confronting issues that have been buried or avoided. When these emotions are brought to the surface, it can feel overwhelming, leading to feelings of discomfort or distress. One reason people resist couples therapy is the fear of this very discomfort. The idea of stirring up emotions and potentially feeling worse in the short term can be daunting. However, this initial discomfort is often a necessary part of the healing process. 

By addressing these emotions head-on, couples can work through them and move toward a healthier, more fulfilling relationship. It’s important to remember that feeling worse after a session doesn’t mean that therapy isn’t working. On the contrary, it often indicates that you’re getting to the heart of the issues that need to be addressed. With time and commitment, these feelings typically subside, making way for growth, understanding, and a stronger connection with your partner.

What Not to Say in Couples Counseling?

Couples counseling is a space for open and honest communication, but it’s also important to approach these conversations with care. One of the fears that can prevent people from seeking therapy is the concern about saying the wrong thing or being misunderstood. This fear can stem from a desire to avoid conflict or the worry that expressing certain thoughts might lead to blame or judgment. In couples therapy, it’s crucial to avoid language that is accusatory, overly critical, or dismissive. Phrases like “You always…” or “You never…” can put your partner on the defensive, making it harder to have a productive conversation. Instead, focus on expressing your feelings and needs using “I” statements, such as “I feel hurt when…” or “I need more support with…”

Another common pitfall is bringing up past grievances without a constructive purpose. While it’s important to address unresolved issues, doing so in a way that rehashes old arguments without seeking resolution can be counterproductive. Therapy is about moving forward, not getting stuck in the past. If you’re unsure about how to express certain feelings or concerns, your therapist can help guide the conversation. The goal is to create a safe environment where both partners feel heard and understood, without fear of blame or judgment.

Why Won’t My Partner Do Couples Therapy?

It’s not uncommon for one partner to be more resistant to therapy than the other. This resistance can stem from a variety of fears and concerns, many of which are deeply rooted in personal experiences and beliefs. One reason your partner might resist therapy is the fear of being told they are the problem. For some, the idea of therapy conjures up images of blame and judgment, where one person is singled out as the cause of the relationship’s issues. This fear can be particularly strong if your partner struggles with self-esteem or has experienced criticism in the past.

Another common reason is the fear of change. Therapy often requires individuals to confront uncomfortable truths and make changes in their behavior or thinking. For some, this can be a daunting prospect, especially if they are not ready to face these challenges. Cost and time are also practical concerns that can lead to resistance. Therapy requires both a financial and time investment, and some people may worry about whether it’s worth it or if they can fit it into their busy lives. However, it’s important to view therapy as an investment in the future of your relationship. The benefits of improved communication, understanding, and connection can far outweigh the initial costs.

Some People Believe Couples Should be able to Fix Their Relationship Problems on Their Own.

All without outside help. This belief can be rooted in a sense of pride, denial, or the fear of admitting that the relationship is in trouble. However, seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. It shows a commitment to the relationship and a willingness to do whatever it takes to make it work. If your partner is resistant to therapy, it’s important to approach the conversation with empathy and understanding. Acknowledge their fears and concerns, and emphasize that therapy is a collaborative process aimed at helping both partners, not placing blame. Sometimes, taking the first step together can make all the difference in overcoming resistance.

Resistance to couples therapy is often rooted in fear—fear of confronting painful emotions, fear of change, fear of being blamed, or fear of admitting that the relationship needs help. However, by understanding these fears and addressing them with compassion and openness, couples can overcome resistance and take the first steps toward healing and growth. Couples therapy offers a supportive space to navigate these challenges, allowing you and your partner to build a stronger, more connected relationship. If you’re ready to move past the obstacles and invest in your relationship, couples therapy can be a powerful tool for positive change.

Overcome the Barriers to Connection with Couples Therapy in Hermosa Beach, CA

Every relationship faces its own unique challenges, and seeking therapy together can be a powerful step toward overcoming these obstacles. Couples therapy offers a compassionate and supportive space where you and your partner can confront difficult emotions, improve communication, and rebuild trust. At Kathy Kim Therapy, I’m here to help you navigate these challenges and work towards a stronger, more fulfilling relationship. If you’re ready to move past resistance and invest in your connection, I’m here to guide you every step of the way. Start your journey today:

• Schedule a Consultation
• Learn More About My Approach and Services
• Build a Stronger Relationship with Couples Therapy

Explore Additional Services at Kathy Kim Therapy

In addition to multicultural couples therapy and couples therapy, I offer individual therapy at Kathy Kim Therapy. This allows both you and your partner to not only thrive as a couple but also to focus on your personal growth and well-being. Whether you’re dealing with anxiety, stress, trauma, or navigating life transitions, I’m here to support you on your journey to healing and self-discovery. My aim is to provide a nurturing and safe environment where you can delve into your emotions, thoughts, and experiences, helping you create lasting positive change. Reach out today to schedule a consultation and take the first step toward a healthier, more fulfilling life.